Do you still have your period?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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