tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
