making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
