Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize