Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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