What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
