I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
