UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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