I am puke
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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