I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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