Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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