She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
