got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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