Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
