Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
