Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
