Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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