using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
