Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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