Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
