Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
