One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
