It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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