So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize