I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize