so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im holly from the hills drunk
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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