I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
