I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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