dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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