ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My vagina is very pro this idea
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
