i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
