Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
