If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
