Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
