Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
