its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
