My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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