I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
