i think i have herpe
just one?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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