I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
