Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
