i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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