Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
