im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have aggressive nipples.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
