how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
