Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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