someone get that fucking seahorse.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize