guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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