Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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