So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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