I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
