I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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