I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
