How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
