dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
