At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
