Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize