Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
