I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
