I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
