I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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