I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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