well you can't waste a boner
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
