I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
