just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize