i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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