my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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