I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
