Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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