I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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