I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
