Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
