So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
