I got chris browned last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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