he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
