i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
