11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
