Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize