You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
