I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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