Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
