I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
