New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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