....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
