If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize