We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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