I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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